BuzzFeed video featuring immigrant parents and their American-born (or raised) children on pursuing their dreams

I don’t really blame my parents.  I think they just wanted me to be successful, and they probably didn’t really understand the PR world too much at that time.  Now that I’m almost 40 (turning 39 in September), I’ve pretty much given up on a PR career.  Especially in fashion/beauty (because you age out of this.  At my age, you’re either already in, or you’re not.  If not, too bad.  You can’t change NOW).  In any case, I blogged in that world for a few years and never felt that I fit in.  I’m not exactly a super high maintenance sort.  I’ve never coloured my hair (unless you count spray painting for school spirit reasons) and rarely get manicures (I DO get pedicures somewhat frequently, especially in the summer).  My lipstick collection mostly fall in the “safe” colours – nudes, browns and berries, mostly lightweight/creams.  I’ve tried wearing bright red lipstick, but I’ve just never felt comfortable.  Must be all that conditioning at BSS (I mean, I was never, ever the one with uniform violations)!

The video above also discusses what the parents dreamed of doing.  Some of their stories sounded like dreams children often have, like being a firefighter or teacher – because those are the careers kids are exposed to at a young age.  So I’m not surprised that they mentioned them.  I’m also not too surprised at the fact that the parents ideas for their kids.  Many struggled to ensure their children had a comfortable, middle class style upbringing, and worked VERY HARD to do so.  Many worked long hours, whether in a restaurant or in white collar jobs.  While I wouldn’t say my parents “struggled,” – we always had a proper family dinner around 6-6:30 PM – they DID want the best for me.  And that included career choices.  PR just wasn’t an area where I could easily make six figures before the age of 30, unlike banking (anything STEM-related was out after I failed to take any advanced science courses in my final year of high school.  I did take math, so to them, finance was STILL an option).

As for what I’m doing now – I’m pretty happy with my current choice of working in the philanthropy world.  I want to make things better for others – it’s actually one of the reasons why I joined Brownies and Guides as a child and the Junior League as an adult (notice that all three organizations are female-only).  And unlike a decade ago, when I wanted to work in PR, my parents are perfectly fine, even encouraging me in my career.  They really love the idea that I’m helping to improve society.  I think my work with Healthy Minds Canada’s discussion on mental health in East Asian communities really contributed to them changing their minds.  And in the future?  Who knows?  I’m going to continue to write, but my main focus will be related to philanthropy and improving lives of others.

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Highlights from the Healthy Minds Canada lunch and learn.  The full panel discussion, which is an hour long, can be seen here.

The issue regarding mental health in Asian communities has long been bothering me.  It goes back to the Virginia Tech shootings (2007!), where the shooter was of Korean descent.  They brought up his ethnic background a little, and definitely discussed mental health, but I felt that it was a good time to bring up how SOME cultural communities treat mental health.  I realize ethnicity is always a very sensitive topic – especially when it comes to violent crimes – but I was surprised that very little of it was discussed on news shows.  I have also been told by some family members that depression is not a “real” condition, but merely a “middle class invention.”  Most are from older generations, those who’ve been through the Second World War or those born soon after.  They talk about how the war and subsequent decades – probably until the mid 1960s – meant that there “was nothing to be happy about,” and yet, they survived.  That now that we are so privileged, that we should just “deal with it.”  Really?  We’re just complaining?  Are you SURE you weren’t depressed?  Or for those who lived through the war, suffering from PTSD?  Then there’s immigration, ranging from the stress of adapting to an entirely new country to career issues (e.g. not finding a job in your field) and discrimination.

It isn’t only a problem with the immigrant generation.  Children of immigrants, whether they were born in the west or came as very young children often face conflicting cultural ideals – having to deal with what is acceptable in their heritage culture which may or may not clash with what is considered appropriate in Canada, causing a great deal of stress.  However, it’s just not discussed because it’s not a “problem” that “good East Asian families” face. This “stiff upper lip-ness” is astounding and the very reason why there are problems within the communities.  The hiddeness of the very existence of mental health conditions is very real, and there are studies which show that those of various East Asian backgrounds seek help at worse conditions than those from other cultures.  I’ve brought up the very topic before, but was dismissed each time – until this year when I spoke with Healthy Minds Canada.

I’m really glad I organized the event.  In fact, I felt a great deal of relief immediately after – even if I’m unsure of whether the point REALLY got across.  As I don’t read any East Asian language nor do I watch television in said languages, I am unsure of whether there was any media coverage.  I hope there was.  And I hope to see more people – especially those with a great deal of influence within the community (including celebrities, both here and in the old countries) – open up and say that they’ve had personal experiences.  Only that way will it become more okay.  And only then will these communities start catching up.

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