The plan is to drop regular episodes twice a month, on the first and third Tuesday. Once in a while, you might see a shorter “special,” which can come any day of the week. I hope you enjoy this one!

The post Episode 1: On Being a Child of Immigrants appeared first on Cynthia C. Mintz.

BuzzFeed video featuring immigrant parents and their American-born (or raised) children on pursuing their dreams

I don’t really blame my parents.  I think they just wanted me to be successful, and they probably didn’t really understand the PR world too much at that time.  Now that I’m almost 40 (turning 39 in September), I’ve pretty much given up on a PR career.  Especially in fashion/beauty (because you age out of this.  At my age, you’re either already in, or you’re not.  If not, too bad.  You can’t change NOW).  In any case, I blogged in that world for a few years and never felt that I fit in.  I’m not exactly a super high maintenance sort.  I’ve never coloured my hair (unless you count spray painting for school spirit reasons) and rarely get manicures (I DO get pedicures somewhat frequently, especially in the summer).  My lipstick collection mostly fall in the “safe” colours – nudes, browns and berries, mostly lightweight/creams.  I’ve tried wearing bright red lipstick, but I’ve just never felt comfortable.  Must be all that conditioning at BSS (I mean, I was never, ever the one with uniform violations)!

The video above also discusses what the parents dreamed of doing.  Some of their stories sounded like dreams children often have, like being a firefighter or teacher – because those are the careers kids are exposed to at a young age.  So I’m not surprised that they mentioned them.  I’m also not too surprised at the fact that the parents ideas for their kids.  Many struggled to ensure their children had a comfortable, middle class style upbringing, and worked VERY HARD to do so.  Many worked long hours, whether in a restaurant or in white collar jobs.  While I wouldn’t say my parents “struggled,” – we always had a proper family dinner around 6-6:30 PM – they DID want the best for me.  And that included career choices.  PR just wasn’t an area where I could easily make six figures before the age of 30, unlike banking (anything STEM-related was out after I failed to take any advanced science courses in my final year of high school.  I did take math, so to them, finance was STILL an option).

As for what I’m doing now – I’m pretty happy with my current choice of working in the philanthropy world.  I want to make things better for others – it’s actually one of the reasons why I joined Brownies and Guides as a child and the Junior League as an adult (notice that all three organizations are female-only).  And unlike a decade ago, when I wanted to work in PR, my parents are perfectly fine, even encouraging me in my career.  They really love the idea that I’m helping to improve society.  I think my work with Healthy Minds Canada’s discussion on mental health in East Asian communities really contributed to them changing their minds.  And in the future?  Who knows?  I’m going to continue to write, but my main focus will be related to philanthropy and improving lives of others.

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I find that this perspective often comes from so-called “liberals” who are trying to be very politically correct because they want to ensure that they “understand” other cultures and want to make sure that they’re not offending anyone (these individuals are usually multi-generation Canadians and/or first or second generation with family from the British Isles or France).  What they don’t realize is they are actually doing the opposite.  And are also “othering” these groups, making them feel even more “different.”  Please, people, we aren’t museum exhibits.  We’re people.  These views ALSO come from immigrants, but that’s a bit more understandable (but only if they’re family and only if they’re “of a certain age” if you know what I mean).

We need to be allowed to form our own views and interpretation of culture, food, fashion and so forth based on our personal experiences and what shaped us.  If we didn’t have a grandmother who knew how to cook and was able to teach us how to make cultural foods the “proper” way (rather than boring, comfort food-ish fusiony meals) then we won’t know how to make so-called REAL homemade traditional foods.  Besides, what’s “real” anyway?  There are Chinese diaspora all over the world and not everyone is off the plane from Hong Kong or mainland China.  Some came by way of the Caribbean and haven’t even set foot in East Asia (other than to visit) since the 19th century.  So what of them?  Jamaican-inspired Chinese food is very fusion-y.  So is Hong Kong’s cha chaan teng cuisine (most of it is kind of low end, but you’ll find dishes like baked pork chop and rice and the island’s so-called national drink, Hong Kong milk tea (image below)) Is it fair to criticize them?

All I’m saying is I’m really unsure if I feel comfortable with all of the separation/what someone can can’t do due to appropriation/bastardization these days.  I think it only separates us as individuals and makes immigrants and first generation – especially people who are NOT of British or French descent – more like museum exhibits and objects than human beings.  And sadly, it isn’t JUST multigeneration Anglo/Franco-Canadians feeling this way.  I hear it from people who are no more than two generations off the plane/boat as well.  I’m not sure if it’s just brainwashing or ignorance, but it DOES bother me.  Perhaps I’m just sensitive.

I realize I’ll be heavily criticized for this post, but hey, I’m allowed to voice my opinion, right?  I shouldn’t be considered “stupid” or “ignorant” as I often am in certain Facebook and other online circles, but I often wonder if THEY are the ones who’re not too bright or if they’re just playing devil’s advocate.

First image: By AlexLMX/Shutterstock 

Second image by author, via Prospere Magazine

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These kids (the school is co-ed, but the documentary only follows girls) attend Shanti Bhavan, a school founded by Abraham George, an American man of Indian descent who felt that he needed to give back to the country of his birth.  Only one child per family is allowed to attend the school and they are sent at the age of four and expected to stay until they graduate from high school.  From there, they are taught a very challenging curriculum and are prepared to take India-wide exit exams similar to GCSEs and A-levels in the UK.  The point of the school is to alleviate poverty – that a good education would lead to a well-paying, white-collar job.  From that point, alumni of Shanti Bhavan would be able to earn higher wages and help their families.  It’s A LOT of responsibility to carry.  And these kids know from a very young age.

In many ways, I feel badly for the kids.  Not only are they sent to boarding school at such a young age, and thus, only see their parents during holidays, but their upbringing by the school makes them, culturally speaking, different from their parents.  They have a more worldly outlook, and for the girls especially, culture clash awaits at home, not to mention, jealousy.  There are those who still criticize the family and the girls themselves for being more “worldly,” and question why they are not yet married, despite only being 16 or 17.  Of course, that kind of life is all they know, and thus, don’t know that things could be very different – and life-changing.  There’s a reason why these parents sent their children to boarding school at FOUR and not FOURTEEN.

Most of the girls featured in the movie graduated from the school and went to pursue post-secondary studies (another one was very young and was still at the school when filming ended).  While, yes, there were culture clashes there too – the class divisions between classmates and the alumnae from Shanti Bhavan finally hit – most of them seemed to be able to pull through.  One alumna, however, wanted to do more than what she was destined to do.  On one hand, she knew that she had to get a “real” job in the professional/corporate sector – something which would allow her to help family – she was also a budding musician and wanted to sing.  When come from poverty, becoming a singer is just to high a risk to gamble on, and thus, not encouraged by the school.  Of course, it doesn’t mean she can’t sing for fun!

While it was certainly a great documentary – especially with a focus on girls, as Indian culture itself is still so divided – I would have liked to see more about the boys.  It would be interesting to find out how their views on women differ from their families, and whether there’s a cultural disparity between them and their families when it comes to how they view women’s roles.  Right now, the oldest Shanti Bhavan alumni – male AND female – are still too young to make a real impact  on change since they’re only in their 30s, but you never know.  Only time will tell.

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