The “Auntie” thing. Yes, I know it’s a cultural for Hong Kong-Canadians (and probably other Chinese/Asian cultures) and I grew up being asked to call my parents’ friends “Auntie” or “Uncle.” But sorry, wasn’t a fan of that. It still isn’t. It was just weird to me. I wasn’t related to them and, so why was I supposed to call them that? But it seems to be default to most people. It was really odd, uncomfortable, even, for me when a family friend’s son introduced me to his three year old daughter as “Auntie Cynthia.” I think I’ve seen this guy fewer than 10 times in my life and I first met him nearly 30 years ago when we were kids. I’ve only met his wife once. I may be Cynthia to him and his wife, but I shouldn’t be an “Auntie” to his kid. Heck, I’m not even sure if I’m okay with being “Auntie” to non-related kids of people I’ve known my entire life and saw/still see ALL THE TIME!
Of course, it’s not just CBCs (Canadian born Chinese) who are at fault. On my husband’s side, the default seems to be first name. Yes, for adults. By children. As default. I’m ALSO not a fan of this. And LESS of a fan than “Auntie.” At least by using “Auntie ____,” (or Uncle for guys) the adult is acknowledged as an adult. Using a first name sounds like the adult is either a peer or a co-worker. It doesn’t sound respectful to me.
I get that these days, you’re to call people what they want to be called, but what if they don’t like the default you think is…default? Shouldn’t you err on the side of caution and go with the more conservative mode? And in this case, it would Mr. or Ms. You didn’t call your friends’ parents by ONLY their first name when you were young, did you? It certainly wasn’t default in the 80s and 90s when I was growing up. At least not among my friends. Sure, the Hong Kong/Cantonese-speaking families were Auntie and Uncle (which is probably why the “default” to some remains the same), but outside the cultural community, it was most definitely Mr. and Mrs. And since many women no longer take their husband’s last names or they use a variance of it (like my double barrelled name), it should be Ms. NOTE: I AM okay with Mrs., but only when you’re using it with Mintz only. And unlike many women, I’m perfectly fine with ma’am.
People have asked me why I didn’t bother correcting people. I’ve considered it, but I also don’t want to be seen as an “old fuddy-duddy” who isn’t “politically correct.” We live in a world where we have to be extremely careful, and being “old fashioned” just isn’t “cool.” In fact, you could be seen as being “unwoke.” And being “unwoke” these days could be as extreme as equating you with hate groups. People can be so critical of those who are more “conservative” these days. It’s as if these people are…dirty. And no one wants to be dirty. So no, I haven’t bothered, even though I’m uncomfortable.
Why am I writing this? It’s better to have everything in writing than to tell them in person. That’s pretty much that. And yes, if you’re family, your kids can definitely call me “Auntie Cynthia” or “Aunt Cynthia.” This includes cousins, since in the Cantonese speaking world, a cousin one generation older is a cousin-aunt or a cousin-uncle (but relative degrees and names in Cantonese is a whole other post).
Image by Kay Prinsloo/Shutterstock
