I am, for one incredibly glad that many celebrities (Kim Kardashian, Chrissy Teigen and Sarah Jessica Parker, for example) have come out about their infertility/fertility issues recently. It allows those of us who are NOT famous to be more comfortable talking about such issues as well. And regardless of WHY we’re unable to have children genetically – whether it be genetic, hormonal or any issue at all – it’s important that we don’t see this as something shameful. This is especially the case if we are seeking help to create a family.
I have have, for one, been open about not having a genetic child/get pregnant for a long time – probably before most celebrities have started talking. It was more than just disappointing for me when I found out that it wasn’t a good idea due to various health conditions (so technically, my issue isn’t exactly “infertility” in the traditional sense, which is why I prefer “fertility issues”) when I was just 15, but I learned to accept the case and immediately thought of adoption – even when I was still in high school! However, as I got older, I learned that adoption was not as easy, especially having experienced the process for years with my husband. We then learned more about IVF (in vitro fertilization), surrogacy and the process in Canada, and decided to give it a try. We don’t have any news to share yet, but we are still very hopeful.
Chrissy Teigen on her struggles to have a baby (via Harper’s Bazaar)
However, whether it’s adoption, surrogacy (we decided on surrogacy due to other health-related issues), going through treatment for yourself or using third party donors (either eggs, sperm or embryo), it’s something that many still keep a secret – especially if a donor is used (I think some celebrities used donors (especially if they’re older), yet they haven’t said that they did). I know that in some cultures, having actual genetic links is important (it certainly is in traditional Chinese/Confucian societies), and thus, adopted children are never told about their past. In fact, when my husband and I were considering adoption – especially because we were looking in an Asian country (Vietnam), my parents even asked me whether we’d be telling them. We were taught in our adoption preparation class to ALWAYS be open about a child’s past and to share the child’s culture, even if it is similar to your own (or in our case, my side). And we are using the same rule for our child through surrogacy. It’s just the right thing to do. Just by saying something like that makes starting families in ways other than the “traditional” method, shameful thanks to “birth parent privilege” (this is a whole other post. More on THAT soon).
But at least I’m talking about it. At least other people are talking about it. I think there should be more – and yes, celebrities being OPEN are helping. But I don’t think we should rely on those who are famous to talk about it FIRST. We should be able to do it on our own. The struggle to have a family but can’t the “traditional” way shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of, nor should people be criticizing you for doing so. There’s too much unwanted advice (I’ve heard it all myself, but people tend to quiet down once I tell them I have health issues) out there, not to mention shame. We don’t, after all, criticize people who, say, have cancer.
Video and image credits: Video via Harper’s Bazaar and image by Tupungato/Shutterstock
